Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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