I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
