i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize