Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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