My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
