If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
is wine microwaveable?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
