so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
