I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The air taste purple.
Randomize
