to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
