you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
