handjob tips. give me some.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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