no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Small penises have feelings too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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