I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
