Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
