Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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