trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
