Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
