So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
