can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
