i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
