Please, let me fuck your mom
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
