Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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