well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize