Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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