She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
