I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
