it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize