Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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