he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
