i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
