Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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