Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize