How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize