You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
