im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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