The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
