One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize