Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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