The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
