Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
