I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize