Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
