i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
