i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize