So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I will pee on everything he values.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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