shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
