She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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