yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dual....:-)
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
