so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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