who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize