YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
