due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
