Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
