I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
