I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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