Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
