Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
