im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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