I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
