there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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