I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
