i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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