I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
