just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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