Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
