3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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