I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
