You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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