i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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