the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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