I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
