Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize