This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
