Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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