i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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