My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize