you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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